Grief & Joy - Honoring Both During the Holidays
As merry bells are ringing and lights are all aglow, I want to take a moment and acknowledge not everyone may be feeling joyous this time of year, and that’s okay. For some of us, this time of year can be difficult. The recent loss of a loved one may leave us searching for how to celebrate or with no desire to celebrate at all. It may be returning grief as it marks another year without a loved one by our side. The festivities and family gatherings may highlight feelings of loneliness for those who find themselves without loved ones during this time. Grief can feel all encompassing and I invite you to consider the idea that grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. The two can co-exist and it is okay to honor both and allow joy and grief to dance together.
There have been numerous studies around grief and it has even been broken down to 5 stages. It can be helpful to have stages to identify with and it is also important to keep in mind that while grief is universal, we each process it in our own way. You may find yourself moving in and out through the 5 stages or find you do not experience all of them. There isn’t a ‘normal’ way to grieve. Psychology Today notes grief is “highly individualized and unpredictable”. It’s also important to be aware that while grief is a natural response to loss, it can reach a point where it can cause debilitating symptoms referred to as complicated grief. If you find yourself experiencing complicated grief, or wanting help beyond your current support system, this site might help you explore additional options.
When grief feels like the heaviest emotion in your heart, the idea of letting in joy can seem foreign. Other times it may feel like you need to fake joy to put others at ease or as a way to not deal with your grief. You might even feel guilty for allowing joy while grieving. It is okay to grieve and it's okay to allow yourself to feel joy. It might be a smile through tears as you share memories or simply finding happiness in an ordinary moment. For those supporting grieving ones, it might feel disrespectful to express joy around those grieving. Rather than suppress your joy, acknowledge their grief and consider inviting them into your joy without expectation.
If you know someone experiencing grief, it can be hard to know how to best support them. We often struggle to find the ‘right words’ or ways to provide comfort. Try to keep an open mind around what support looks like for each person as it can vary. Grief can be uncomfortable for those standing on the outside. We want to make it stop and sometimes the best course is to simply provide space for the one grieving to express whatever they might be feeling—without judgment.
Make it stand out
The holidays, much like the rest of the year, are a time we can find grief and joy in our hearts. Support those grieving with kindness and offer the space they need in that moment if you can. If grief is weighing on your heart this holiday season, allow yourself to feel the emotions, lean into support and consider sharing what you need at this time, whatever it may be. Grief can be an expression of love, which as most know, can sometimes be painful. Honor the love and may wonderful memories bring some comfort and perhaps even a bit of joy.